Nameless

     It's funny sometimes how much can happen in just a couple months. I've found myself changed so many times, I've forgot who I really am, but it's not like that bothers me. When you've lived your whole life and never known what your real name is, you kinda get used to the feeling.

     I don't have a name. I never really did, although I was called a couple things throughout my lifetime. But you know how that works. It's hard to interact with someone who has no name. So I've decided to call myself Nameless. I'm hoping it will work this time.

     Sometimes it feels like a year's worth of events has been crowded into three months; like we just have to rewind back a bit and start from there. Truthfully, I'd relive my whole life from start to finish if I could. All the way up until my death, which (although right now it might seem a bit confusing) has actually already happened. But don't worry! I'll be explaining everything soon.

     I used to keep promises, but I've forgotten how over time. I still remember every one I made, though. There's one I regret not keeping...This would be my third life, now. When I left Jersey behind, I also left myself. I dropped my name, everything I loved, my family, I even tried to erase my own mind. I just wanted to forget all that happened. I wanted to be normal, but God know that would never happen. So I pretty much just followed the sun. No one knew who I was, except for a few.

     I don't know my birthday, but I have a feeling I've gotten older. That wouldn't change much anyway, and it didn't. I was still a "kid", so money was my only way around. I made some cash killing off Proxies for local Runners, and I used that to find temporary places to stay and means of getting food. I tried begging, but after I got mugged, I gave that up. And even though I bumped into some of my old clients a couple times here and there, they either didn't recognize me, or didn't care enough to show it. I'm not lying when I say I regretted leaving home.

     I can't say I was too busy to call or let them know I was okay, because that would be a lie. Most of the time I spent wandering around looking for more jobs or just sprawled out in front of the television. Or crying. I did a lot of crying that first month. Ginger and Basil, my two cats, didn't help much, but neither did Kieth. Sometimes I got so angry I kicked him out and didn't care where he went or what happened to him. I only cared about myself. On the table next to my bed there was a phone, but I never made any effort to pick it up and dial Shady's number. I didn't even read her blog. she could be dead, and I wouldn't know.

     I know I should've stayed. I know I didn't leave to find my sister. I just don't know why I did. I just don't know...