Emerald Eyes and Ivy Tears

     Wires lied behind the desk, cut by something sharp, probably a pair of scissors. The whole place was dark, darker than black, and only a small flickering flashlight lit my way. I crossed the room several times without tripping over any objects. In the air lingered the scent of decay, making me gag. Bodies in the closet. Inching my way closer, my hand grasped the knob and I pulled the door open, several corpses falling out on top of each other. In the dark my eyes played tricks. Maggots crawled out the ears of a woman, consuming her flesh slowly.

     By the time I'd finished, vomit covered the floor, which I had to mop up. It was a relief to be out in the fresh air again. I inhaled deeply and crossed the dead lawn to the back of the building.

     A man dressed in all black nodded at me and handed me the limp body, then went scurrying away. I didn't bother to ask who he might be; in the end it didn't really matter. So I dragged her heavy body into the room and dumped it in the corner just as the flashlight's batteries died. Don't need to see your face anyway.




     "I'm sorry."

     Her eyes were slowly starting to flutter open, emerald shining against the black. She was so beautiful. She looked like my mother.

     "I'm so sorry."

     They searched the dark frantically, as she pushed her body up hard against the wall. "Who's there?" her voice called softly, fear evident. I sat only a few feet away and yet she couldn't see me. For a while I waited silently, hoping she'd notice me and realize who I am, but time went by and all she did was start to cry. "Please don't hurt me," she sobbed. I felt a pain in my chest, I coughed quietly, and her head shot up in my direction. "Hello?"

     "It's just me," I whispered softly, inching closer every few seconds. "It's just me."
     "Who are you? You sound young."
     "I am," I replied.
     "What's your name?" came her voice through the dark.
     "I don't have one."

     Her smile surprised me, which I doubt she could see on my face, if she could see that at all. "Well you must," she said lightly. "Everyone has a name."

     "Not me."

     We sat silently across from each other quietly. The floor was hard and cold underneath me, but when she reached out and touched my hand, I was warmed up again. "Why are you sad?"

     Her tears dripped onto the ground in a pool around her feet as I fought hard not to let mine fall. In the dim light, they almost had an ivy color. Finally, I couldn't hold mine in any longer. "Because I've done something awful and I can never make it right," I whispered. Even I could hardly understand myself. Then suddenly she started to shush me, pulling me close like a mother. "It's alright," she reassured.

     Then she lifted up her eyes and looked into mine, unseeing and unknowing. "Why have you brought me here?" her soft voice asked. God, the dread I felt. She knew I was a child, she almost knew me even though she couldn't seem to see. I know she would remember my name, who I was, if she could see my face through the dark. I urged to turn swing open the door and reveal myself to her, because it would be so much easier than to say the words, but I knew that would never change things.

     "I did something terrible to you. A long time ago."
     She seemed to consider this, then slowly said, "What is your name, honey?"

     "Carrie."

     She was crawling away from me, flung my body off of hers in disgust as I convulsed on the floor, my head in my hands. It was so long ago, or so it seems, that I last cried. My cheeks were dry and I liked it that way, but now the redness stained my face and I couldn't see clearly. I watched her hands move rapidly around, feeling the walls and floors, looking for a way out. Why can't you see anything, Lily? Why is the world so dark to you? Finally, she stood. Her legs were wobbling, unbalanced. Her entire body shook as she edged her way around and got a grasp on the doorknob. She shook it furiously and furiously but it wouldn't open. She screamed out in something like fear or frustration, but still it wouldn't let her out.

     Then she let her body hit the ground again and lay still until I crawled to her side. "Please," I begged, "let me say I'm sorry."

     Her voice didn't come this time, but I continued because somehow I knew she was still awake.

     "I was never one person. I was never...a person. I don't know what I am - was. Maybe I am insane. Maybe I should've died. But I didn't. A man came and made me feel something painful and powerful, and I followed what he said because he promised me so many things. I followed and did what I was told to do, but it wasn't me. It was like I was watching through someone else's eyes. I cried and cried but nothing came out, I screamed but I didn't open my mouth once. Then they locked me in a Cage and used my mind to hurt and kill and destroy life. I found a way out. I found someone who I loved and I...I don't know. I forgot everything about myself until Ron came. I guess he didn't give up on me after that night. He must have followed, even if he forgot everything after, too. He saw me kill the twins, Mama, Dad. He thought I killed you, but he stayed, and when we found out who we were, we escaped. I moved to a place called the Haven, but still I lost myself there and instead I left to find you. I've...killed other people, and now I'm no one. I'm an empty body with seven souls, seven separate emotions. I don't understand myself, and neither will you, but I want you back. I want my family. I want you...to know I'm sorry. Even though i know that can't fix a thing."

     Her emerald eyes in the blackness like night creeped up and slid along the walls until they landed on my face, and I realized why she couldn't see me. The green color was pale and light, and there was no soul in them. She was blind. Another memory came back, and I was one step closer to realizing who I used to be.

     "I forgive you."