Eden's Jar of Hearts (Literally) and My New Friend The Killer

     I heard a loud rapping against my door, followed by Eden's voice, tinged with worry. "Nameless," he called, "I made us soup. Egg drop, your favorite. Please come out." My head was buried under the pillows, pressed so hard against them I had trouble breathing. I tried to drown out the boy's voice by humming Teenager In Love. It's the only song I know.

     I'd just started to drift into sleep when a huge bang came from my right. The door was knocked flat against the floor, and Eden stood there with a mini battering ram. At first we just stared at each other, then I sat up and asked, "Where did you get that?"

     Eden glanced down at the battering ram and shrugged. "I dunno, found it in the bathroom."

     After that, I really didn't know what to say, so I just flopped over and pulled the sheets over my head, feeling the mattress press down as Eden sat next to me. "What happened," he asked in a soft voice. I felt like I was supposed to cry, but I didn't. I mean, I'd just killed a little girl's dad. Wouldn't a normal, well adjusted person cry about that?

     "I don't know," I sniffle, flinching when a hand smacked down on my thigh. "Don't give me that, young lady!" The boy stared me down with a hard gaze. "Of course you know, or I wouldn't have to break down the door to talk to you!" His eyes softened when he looked into mine. "Please tell me, hun."

     I told him about Ren and the email, about Mary and Ryan and why the side of my face was bloody. I talked and talked while Eden cleaned up the wound and wrapped a bandage around it. I had to stop him from spoon feeding me. Then I finished the soup and he led me downstairs to the door of his room. "Are you sure?" I asked, uncertain. The key he shoved into the lock looked like it was centuries old, but it still worked just like any other. " Of course I am," Eden replied, leading me down the narrow steps into the carpeted morgue of a bedroom. "I have the perfect thing for you down here."

     "Hard to believe..." And it really was. Shelves practically covered every inch of the cement walls, lined with bottles and jars of liquids I didn't even want to distinguish. There was a bed pushed against the opposite walls, and I almost laughed when I saw a few stuffed animals substituting pillows. As I stepped closer to examine them, my face quickly changed from amusement to horror. "I figured Henry and his friends would get lonely on the side of the bed," I heard Eden call. Henry...I quickly stomped over to him, pointing furiously towards the bed. "You get rid of those NOW!" Eden gave me a puppy-dog look and shuffled over to them, scooping them up in his arms. "But look how adorable they a-"

     "Adorable?! Are you nuts?! That's roadkill, Eden! Dead. Animals. God, that's what stinks!"

     "You're hurting his feelings!"

     "He isn't alive, fuckwit!"

     "To me he is!!!"

     Taking Henry and the rest of the animal corpses, the little manchild disappeared around a corner, then popped his head out again to stick his tongue out at me. I flipped him off in return and continued scanning the place, running a finger along the bottles of goo and whatever the hell else he kept in there. When Eden returned again, this time empty handed, he came beside me and took one of the jars in his hands, beaming from ear to ear. "You know what this is?" he whispered in an excited tone. 

     "No," I replied cautiously. 

     The boy turned and grinned evilly at me. "A cow's heart."

     You can probably guess this is when I started to flip shit. I screamed and grabbed for the jar, smashing it against the floor and bolting out of the room, not caring whether I knocked over the other containers or not. Who knows what else was in them? I ran all the way up into the kitchen, slamming open the door and sprinting into the acres of land that was the backyard. On either side were small stretched of forest, but after what happened the other day, I really didn't feel like going there. So I ran farther back until I found a place to hide under a big trimmed bush in the mini garden.

     I sat there for a while, catching my breath. Shouldn't have come here. Crazy, nuthouse. I'm gonna kill Kieth. Kill him.

     "I can assist you," a man's voice said from somewhere to my right. Slowly, I turned and looked, meeting the crazed blue eyes of Ren. Surprisingly, I didn't actually attack him, but rather stood cautiously and pulled out my handgun. "No need for that," the Proxy said with a smile playing across his lips. "It isn't fair to fight an unarmed man with arms." He sat himself down cross-legged across from me, then gestured for me to do so as well.

     When we were both seated, Ren leaned back and sighed. "I saw you kill Ryan. Really, I hadn't ever planned on killing you. You have a good intuition. You know what we like to do." The grin curled up his lips, showing off a set of disgustingly yellow, chipped teeth. "You seem to know much more than that, though. You have a sense about you...You must know?" I nodded. "I once worked for Father myself, though I left that for a better life with my brother, Ronald. He...he died saving me."

     Suddenly Ren burst out laughing, tears coming to his eyes. I felt my own teeth grind together in anger and the urge to shoot take over. "How cliche," he chuckled, wiping his eyes. "No offense to you or anything, deary. But you must agree?"

     "I killed my entire family, but he still loved me. Enough to trade his life for my safety," I sneered. I saw his expression change back to a serious one. He knew I wasn't fucking around. My eyes must have said it: Cross me and I -will- kill you.

     "Let's get straight to the point then," Ren said as he lit a cigarette. "I came here to ask you to join me. Become an...alliance, if you will."

     "Why?"

     "It's a pesky group of runners, not unlike that idiot boy you killed."

     "You can't take care of them yourself?" My insults had gotten to him.

     Obviously angered, he said, "They're in Australia."

     I couldn't wipe the smirk off my face. "What are you getting to?"

     "Oh, don't tell me you don't know?"

     "What's the connection, moron?" I yelled, raising the gun to his head.

     "Well a little birdie told me something you're looking for can be found there as well."

     Ren's clever smile had to mean something. "I'm not currently looking for anything in particular except jobs," I said, lowering the weapon. "Oh, but you are," the Proxy whispered. "You telling me you already forgot about little ol' Lily?"

     "My sister?" I glared at Ren as he lifted himself off the ground, then offered me a hand, which I denied and instead pulled myself up. Then he nodded, turning away and taking a few steps in another direction. Before he could leave, I quickly called out, "Alright." This got his attention again. "I'll do it. As long as I don't have to pay for tickets."

     "Already taken care of," he called back, throwing me an envelope. "Use it for you and your partners. I'll meet you there." And with that, he disappeared.

     As for myself, I returned inside, just quiet enough to sneak past Eden't room and reach my own. Luckily, he wasn't waiting for me there, so I placed the envelope in a drawer and flopped back down on my bed, letting out a deep sigh. I didn't feel too good about teaming up with someone I was once suppose to have killed for pay, but if it meant I might be able to find my older sister, and get a free trip to Australia, it was worth it.

Home Sweet Home and The Day I Disappeared

     The hotel was too small for three people. Period. I felt like I wanted to punch out the walls every day. We all had to share one tiny bathroom, and I swear Eden spent half his time with us on the toilet. I even thought I heard him talking to himself once.

     Turns out his parents are filthy rich and own a huge mansion house, although they're barely around with their business trips and whatnot, according to Eden. He suggested we move in there. "My parents are gone for a month on a trip to China, and I'm sure they wouldn't mind you guys staying over for a while," he said. So we all packed our things and he drove us there. The place was cloud nine. The whole time Kieth was grinning at me with his bright anime eyes while Eden showed us our rooms. Mine was three times the size of our hotel room, with paintings hung on almost every wall and a king sized bed between two regal-looking windows. Kieth's was just as magnificent. The best part was we both got our own bathrooms. "I sleep downstairs in the basement, door's always locked. If you want me, ring the top bell." He pointed to a row of buttons on both our walls before walking out.

     It didn't take long to get cozy. The mattress felt like it was made of clouds and the whole place smelled of vanilla home-baked cookies. Maybe it was a little girly for me, with the daisy wallpaper and pink curtains, but at least I didn't have to share a bed with the creepy necrophiliac anymore. I was just settling in when our host called us down for dinner. That was quick, I thought.

     The dining room was even more lovely than the bedrooms. The table in the center of the room stretched across the entire floor, with eight chairs on each side and two at the very end. An intricate centerpiece, a giant vase overflowing with exotic flowers I can't even name, sat at the middle of the table while Kieth stared at it, almost in a trance. "Shrimp scampi for dinner! My best recipe. Mama taught me." We sat ourselves down while the boy set out large plates of food in front of us, steaming and spewing it's deliciousness in our faces. I've gotta say...best meal of my life. I never thought I would say it, but it was almost better than chocolate ice creams.

     When we finished, Eden cleaned up both Kieth's plates and mine, which still had half the meal on it. "You weren't hungry?" he asked, looking kind of disappointed. "Heck no, I was starving," I laughed, "but you put enough noodles on there for an elephant." I smiled and gave him a pat on the back. For the first time, I felt like maybe we could be friends after all.

     The next morning, just like at dinner, Eden served us a breakfast of french toast and scrambled eggs in the living room. Kieth had Adventure Time playing, smiling up at me and giving me a quick kiss when I came by and sat on the couch with him. Things were going so well, almost feeling normal. I felt like I had when I first ran away with my brother, met my Ladies, felt like I belonged. Kieth still had to go to work though, and once he was gone, I stood in the doorway while Eden pulled on his work uniform and turned to me. "You sure you'll be alright while I'm out?" I nodded. "I could take off a day and stay if you want..."

     "I've killed a man, Eden, I think I'll be okay for a few hours," I said, grinning, as he let out a little chuckle too. "Alright, call me if you need me, hun." With that, he gave me a little high-five and drove out into the street.

     The mansion felt empty with just me in it. To keep myself busy, I went wandering in all the rooms I hadn't yet seen, mostly curious about Eden's. Like he said, he kept it locked, so I went back upstairs and sat on my bed, taking out my laptop and browsing around for nothing in particular. I got a new email.

Hey. ---- told me about you. I'm a friend of his, Ryan. I've been having a problem of my own, a Proxy who calls himself Ren. He's been leaving riddles and threats on our doorstep, even broke in once but didn't seem to take anything. Mostly I'm worried for my daughter's safety. She's only nine. Please contact me back and we can work out a price. Thanks.

     He got online only about fifteen minutes later, and we spent an hour working out a price and choosing a time to meet. He already knew about my age, but it wasn't much of a problem this time. "There aren't many people like you...I don't know any other runners and I'm not good with guns. I'm desperate for help," he said. When we met later that day, his daughter opened the door for me. I wasn't exactly sure how to greet her, if she knew what her dad was dealing with or not. "Daddy, it's Nameless." So she knew who I was, at least. Ryan came to the door, shaking my hand. Normal people, when they first meet me, tend to act awkwardly, less professional than they would with an adult. With this man it wasn't a problem.

     The house was somewhat small. Maybe I'd just gotten used to the mansion and felt weird inside such a tiny building. I sat myself down on the couch while Ryan took out some papers, Mary sitting down beside him. Her eyes were locked on me...she was too demonic for a little girl. "Here," Ryan said, breaking through my thoughts. "These are notes Ren left inside the day he broke in." He handed me the crinkled little papers and watched eagerly as I read. This Proxy was nothing compared to some others I'd seen. I gave the father back the notes and leaned against the couch. "He'll be an easy one to take care of. At least, from what I see here," I said. Ryan and I stood and walked to the door, his daughter scampering off to her room to give us some privacy. We stepped outside, staying silent for a minute until I pointed off towards the forest in their backyard. "He hangs around there?"

     "Yeah, sometimes Mary says she sees him outside her window at night."

     "I think he wants to play," I said, tightening my grip around the switchblade in my pocket.

     Ryan looked at me funny and asked, "You see him?"

     "No, but I have a feeling he knows. He wants us to chase him..."

     "Us?" He said, giving me another look. "I thought I hired you to get rid of him."

     Walking towards the forest, I sighed, getting frustrated. "Or, he may just want me gone, leaving you and your precious baby girl home alone. It'd give him an advantage. Kill you real easy, real fast." I could tell without looking that I'd convinced him. "Honey, Daddy will be back home soon, alright? If anything happens, call me!" With that, we both headed off into the woods.

     I gave Ryan my knife and kept the gun for myself, stepping quietly over piles of dead leaves and new snow, just starting to drift down from the sky. "What if something happens at the house?" Ryan asked before I harshly shushed him. The rest of the way we continued in silence, until I saw the man pointing to the left with a wide-eyed expression. "Saw him?" He nodded, holding the switchblade out in front of him. I pulled out the handgun and moved behind a tree, turning to peek around the trunk. Suddenly I heard running footsteps, my body whirling around just as Ryan tripped back, Ren landing atop him. I lunged as fast as I could towards them, but the Proxy shoved himself off and stumbled back, Ryan waving his flimsy weapon around at nothing. I regret it, but I couldn't help standing and staring at the two complete idiots. Either one could have died so easily; both were undefended and out in the open.

     Hesitating like that made me lose my opportunity. Ren had regained his balance and gone clambering up a tree when a branch snapped under his foot and slammed right down on my chest, knocking me to the ground. I struggled to push it off, feeling something slide out from underneath me. I turned in time to see Ryan holding my gun in bloody hands. "No! Give it to me!" I shouted, scrambling along the cold dirt. I could see how far off his aim was, then noticed Ren falling down, snapping branches until he came plummeting towards me. I hesitated, panicking, saw the barrel of the gun pointed towards me, and I screamed. Ryan raised the weapon just an inch as he fired. Then I felt a pain right near my left socket. I lifted a hand to my face as Ren fell on top of me but slowly lifted himself up; the fabric of the eye patch was ripped and so was my skin. I felt woozy as I stared at the blood on my hand that touched the wound. The weight on my back lifted, I heard faint footsteps fleeing, and my vision started to clear up again.

     "Oh God, Nameless, I swear...That was an accident...I meant to get Ren's chest, but he was falling too fast. I still got his arm. Nameless, I swear, I didn't mean to hit you!" Ryan pleaded, even falling onto his knees as I stood and stepped towards him. It was like gravity insisted on tugging me down. Balance was unknown to me. My eye was locked onto the gun. Once I had it in my hand again I reached Ryan, his eyes red and wet, and helped him up with my free hand. For a while we stood without talking, then Ryan wiped his eyelids and chuckled a bit. "I actually though you were going to shoot me or something," he laughed, leaning against the tree. For a minute, I let out a little giggle as well. We both stood there, laughing, until I raised the gun and grinned. "Learn to follow your instincts next time. Hehehehe!"


     I enjoyed pulling the trigger. I enjoyed watching the bullet dig itself into his skull. The way his face changed when I laughed, the gun in my hand. How I left his body in the woods, let Ren run from the fight. How I left Mary without a father. It was all so...magnificent. The best moments of my life. And...And I don't regret it. Maybe now I do, maybe a little. But at times, when I feel sad, I think about that day and I smile to myself. I've changed so much, but I can't decide: for better or for worse?

Eden

     A hotel in northern Delaware was our home the first couple weeks after we left. Running out of money was my biggest fear at first. I kinda knew no enemies would waste their time coming after us, the kids. Kieth suggested taking up a job, so we both went looking. He ended up getting hired as a bagger at a grocery store, while I had no luck. The problem was mainly my age, but obviously minimum wage wasn't enough to pay for food, clothing, and shelter. I still tried, looking the papers and online. Then I came across something interesting. There was a web ad I noticed that was written in code. It was an unusual one; I didn't see it used often, but I recognized it from the time I spent with the Siblings. When I decoded it, it turned out to be from a runner, seeking help from someone who knew how to deal with Proxies. And it payed. In cash.

     I contacted the runner, trying to sound as mature and professional as possible. Unfortunately, they wanted to meet me in person. I couldn't exactly say no...I mean, this was a job that paid and that I was capable of accomplishing. Probably. I did end up meeting them, and even though at first they weren't convinced I was serious. But when I shattered their windows with my gun and they changed their mind. That was taken from my pay...

     My job was to track the thing down and try to kidnap it. If I couldn't, I had permission to kill. Kieth had his own work, so I went alone. Only took two days to figure out he was using the church not so far from our hotel to hide. In fact, the bastard even disguised himself as the priest. I went in to the next sermon, waiting until it was over to do what I was told. So I followed that plan, snuck into the side doors, and was about to confront the target when he pulled aside a young boy, whispering something in an angry tone. "Hidden...dagger..." Then laughter, from the both of them. He could be another Proxy. The two started walking out the sides when I sprung at them, mainly going for the priest. Then the boy jumped up and caught my hair while he yelled for the other man to run. "Fuck! He's getting away! Do you know what he is?! Let me go!"

     "A little girl should not be playing with guns, young lady." I could not believe this guy. "If you knew what I was, what I could do to you, you'd be running just like that guy," I sneered when he released me. He'd already grabbed the weapon from my hands and thrown it into the river right next to us. "What do you mean, little girl? Wait! Omigosh! Are you a serial killer?!" By then I could kinda tell this guy wasn't a Proxy. "Of a sort," I replied, and pulled out an extra handgun. "Please don't make me report you, sweetie! Please put that away! Help!" I shoved my hat in his mouth, kept the gun pointed against his torso, hidden behind my jacket and said, "If you don't want to get shot, come quietly with me."

     I brought him to the hotel and tied him up on the bed, which didn't look too good to Kieth once he got home. "Eden?" I pulled the gag from his mouth and he told us his name. His parents are super religious and force him to attend church then help clean up after. He swore he knew nothing of Proxies or what that "priest" really knew, and listening to him talk, we both agreed he was telling the truth. "Now he knows, though. We can't kill an innocent person...right?" Kieth gave me a look when he saw my hand on the gun, but I just shrugged. "I don't see a problem with it," I said. "People do it in movies all the time."

     "But I don't think we should..."

     "Well then what? Until we find a way to erase his memory, we can't just send him on his way."

     "Then he can stay with us."

     We already had enough to pay for, plus I completely failed with the help of that idiot, so I really should've said no, but I didn't. So we bought a bigger hotel room, but he still had to share a bed with one of us. Kieth said - can you believe this? - that he couldn't share a bed with Eden because it was "gay". I dunno where he got that idea, but he just would not agree to it. Therefore, for an entire month I had to share my bed with a Spongebob underwear-wearing baby who hogged all the sheets and snored and kept me up almost every night. He even had the nerve to ask me for a fucking bedtime story, so I made him sleep on the floor. Tough luck, bastard. I have a gun. Don't ask me stupid questions.

     Eden helped a bit at least, since he did have a job working at a novelty item shop downtown. Still it was a rough time, paying for three people. Soon four. But then I found out the guy was a total nut job...an animal necrophiliac. We were driving in his car one day when he pulled over next to a limp piece of raccoon roadkill, and picked it up in his hands, dumping it in the back seat in a cardboard box. "You've been collected animal corpses for three miles, Eden, what's your problem?" He just smiled and hugged the bloody thing and said, "This one's name is Henry."

    Remind me never to have children.

Nameless

     It's funny sometimes how much can happen in just a couple months. I've found myself changed so many times, I've forgot who I really am, but it's not like that bothers me. When you've lived your whole life and never known what your real name is, you kinda get used to the feeling.

     I don't have a name. I never really did, although I was called a couple things throughout my lifetime. But you know how that works. It's hard to interact with someone who has no name. So I've decided to call myself Nameless. I'm hoping it will work this time.

     Sometimes it feels like a year's worth of events has been crowded into three months; like we just have to rewind back a bit and start from there. Truthfully, I'd relive my whole life from start to finish if I could. All the way up until my death, which (although right now it might seem a bit confusing) has actually already happened. But don't worry! I'll be explaining everything soon.

     I used to keep promises, but I've forgotten how over time. I still remember every one I made, though. There's one I regret not keeping...This would be my third life, now. When I left Jersey behind, I also left myself. I dropped my name, everything I loved, my family, I even tried to erase my own mind. I just wanted to forget all that happened. I wanted to be normal, but God know that would never happen. So I pretty much just followed the sun. No one knew who I was, except for a few.

     I don't know my birthday, but I have a feeling I've gotten older. That wouldn't change much anyway, and it didn't. I was still a "kid", so money was my only way around. I made some cash killing off Proxies for local Runners, and I used that to find temporary places to stay and means of getting food. I tried begging, but after I got mugged, I gave that up. And even though I bumped into some of my old clients a couple times here and there, they either didn't recognize me, or didn't care enough to show it. I'm not lying when I say I regretted leaving home.

     I can't say I was too busy to call or let them know I was okay, because that would be a lie. Most of the time I spent wandering around looking for more jobs or just sprawled out in front of the television. Or crying. I did a lot of crying that first month. Ginger and Basil, my two cats, didn't help much, but neither did Kieth. Sometimes I got so angry I kicked him out and didn't care where he went or what happened to him. I only cared about myself. On the table next to my bed there was a phone, but I never made any effort to pick it up and dial Shady's number. I didn't even read her blog. she could be dead, and I wouldn't know.

     I know I should've stayed. I know I didn't leave to find my sister. I just don't know why I did. I just don't know...